Decisions

Bad decisions make great stories.

Zzzzz

I totally regret not wanting to take naps when I was little.

BS

Lovers always carve their insials into trees.
We're just brother and sister.
So if we carved that into a tree it would say:
BS FOREVER

Taylor Swift

If Taylor Swift writes all her songs about the same guy, then she is an idiot.
If her songs are all about different guys, then she is a whore.

Fire Truck

I know it's really wrong when little kids cuss, but it's so funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pj2Nutu5v8

Fat Kids

I wish I was fat.
It's harder to kidnap fat kids.
No one wants to rape fat kids.
Therefor, being fat is an advantage.

Bacon

If bacon makes everything better, then there should be bacon in sex. Then, sex would be the best thing ever.